Top
Ten Things Dumb Guys Think We Should Do About The
Asteroid Headed for Earth in 2019
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Use my full power as President to mobilize the nation
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Can we talk about this after wrestling?
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Stop, drop and roll
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We should start testing them baseball players for
asteroids o Bubble wrap
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Stay calm -- it's just as scared of us as we are
of it o Has anyone phoned Superman?
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Doesn't the pharmacy sell creams for that sort of
thing?
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Special helmets
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Have NASA tow the Earth a mile to the left
NASA's Top Ten Theories to Explain the Shuttle Disaster:
With all the confusion and second guessing that's
going on, it's good to see the possibilities are
getting
narrowed down ...
o
Flight Control software by Microsoft.
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Some joker dropped water balloons from the ISS.
o
Illegal stow-away tried to escape landing gear
bay
20 minutes too early.
o
Ran into rare, migrating flock of space geese.
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Sh*t happens.
o
Just goes to show those extended warranties are
a waste of
money.
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Women folk on board distracted the driver.
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Negative
vibes
from the "Axis of Evil".
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Who cares? It's almost time to kick the crap
outa Iraq. And NASA's number one theory to explain
the shuttle disaster ...
o "Disaster? What disaster???"
Top
Ten Least Popular Astro Products for 2003 As Chosen
by the Editors of "Light Pollution" magazine.
o
Ronco Telescope Humidifier. Ed. comments- This might
help astronomers with sinus problems, but the drawbacks
seem obvious. Hilarious infomercial, though.
o
Maglite "Police Buddy" Billion Candlepower Flashlight. Ed. comments- Our tests show that when shone
down the tube of an 18" Dobsonian, retinal combustion is achieved in 0.6 seconds. Product lacks "flaming eyeball" warning label. Manufacturer claims this is being remedied.
o
Meade Series 5000 GPS "Super-Huygenian" oculars. Ed. comments- Meade takes the optical magic of this classic lens design
and adds GPS. Sheesh...
o
Eddie Bauer Astronomer's Raincoat. Ed. comments- Nice
styling. Excellent quality. Wrong target market. Not
enough pockets.
o
Depend Astro-Briefs. Ed. comments- Our field tests
reveal this product meets and exceeds it's claims.
Will absorb a two-four, rather than the stated 12-pack.
A very practical product for die-hards (especially
astrophotographers), but just too gross for 99% of
stargazers.
o
Celestron Vibration Amplifier Pads. Ed. comments- Further
evidence that Celestron is losing it.
o
The George Foreman Eyepiece Warmer. Ed. comments-
Kept our test eyepieces toasty warm, but we weren't
impressed
with the "grill marks". Claims that it "cuts the fat" seemed dubious.
o
Sky and Telescope bathroom tissue. Ed. comments-
Rates a zero on the softness and absorbency
scales. Very uncomfortable.
However, good reading on cloudy nights. We enjoyed
the enclosed subscription cards for the toughest
clean-ups.
o
Bushnell "Diffracto-Max". Ed. comments- Confusing instructions, flimsy packaging, overpriced. Tasco used
to make a better one. And the Number One least popular
astro product for 2003 ...
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The Questar Solar Spectroscope Polaroid SX-70 Camera
Adapter. Ed comments- We love the venerable SX-70 instant
camera, but who needs a Questar Solar Spectroscope
to adapt it to?? The ultimate dust gatherer.
