Top Ten Reasons President Bush Isn't Into Astronomy:

o Not "kick ass" enough.

o Had a bad experience in a planetarium on his first date.

o Can't stop giggling at thoughts of "Uranus", "Full Moon" and "Big Dipper".

o Tried to learn the constellations, but realized invading Iraq was easier.

o Would like to own a telescope, but can't deal with the "made in China" stamp on the shipping box.

o Looked at names of bright stars and decided they had ties to Al Qaeda.

o Strongly believes that aluminum tubes can only be used by Saddam for clandestine nuclear purposes.

o Still holds a grudge after being hit on the head by a meteorite when he was a kid.

o Kim Jong Il owns a Questar... it must be an evil hobby. And the number one reason President Bush isn't into astronomy is ...

o Dick Cheney says it's for sissies!

Top Ten Reasons Why Liberals are into Astronomy:

o Does not involve firearms, animals, or the exploitation of the workers!

o Large telescopes can make up for physical inadequacies.

o Mastery of arcane trivia is a great way to impress girls at parties.

o Few social skills are required. o Buying Chinese telescopes supports that last bastion of Communism.

o They think that Algore and Alqaeda are stars in Perseus. o No one notices pink, spiked hair, numerous body piercings, and bizarre tattoos in the dark.

o It's a great way to blame US industry for light pollution - even in countries on the other side of the world.

o They can drag political issues inappropriately into SAA unchallenged. And the number one reason why liberals are into astronomy is ...

o Because President Bush is not into it!

Top Ten Reasons Why *Saddam Hussein* Isn't Into Astronomy:

o Meade equipment too expensive from Iraqi distributor.

o Baghdad astronomers won't go along with naming every constellation "Saddam Hussein".

o Afraid a big Dobsonian might be mistaken for a weapon of mass destruction.

o Why buy an eyepiece the size of a hand grenade, when you can own the real thing?

o Doesn't want to be made fun of by his terrorist buddies. o Used to be a member of the Stellarvue group on Yahoo, but got banned for pissing off Vic.

o Tried to learn the constellations, then realized jerking Bush around was more fun.

o Being a tyrannical dictator and founding member of "the axis of evil" takes up too much time.

o Perpetual bad seeing at presidential palaces. And the number one reason why Saddam Hussein isn't into astronomy is ...

o Sky and Telescope always arrives a month late.

o Damn tracers keep him busy looking for the radiants.

o He's too busy with his head up his ass to realise he's in line for a nuking if War Munger Bush gets his way.

o Used all the aluminum tubes for nukes. None left for scopes.

Top Ten Reasons Why Bill Gates Isn't Into Astronomy:

o Would eat into precious "money counting" time. o Already at his limit of dweeb-iness.

o Starry Night Pro keeps crashing his computer. o Wants to be more like George Bush and Saddam Hussein.

o Bought Meade stock when it was at $78/share.

o Too busy at night having sex with another person. o Doesn't see any sense standing out in the dark, catching pneumonia, when he could be planning new ways to crush the competition.

o Steve Jobs thinks it's great. o NASA won't sell him the Hubble Space Telescope. And the number one reason Bill Gates isn't into astronomy is ...

o His wife won't let him. o Everyone knows you can't do astronomy from Seattle! o Can't monopolize more than one eyepiece at a time.

o His proprietary MGC list never caught on. o He has a hard time observing through windows.

o They wouldn't sell or move the Palomar Observatory site to where he lives.

o He spends all his nights installing O/S patches.

o Latest SQL Server worm ate all bandwidth between observatory and laptop.

o Afraid Steve Ballmer will come over and trash observatory in sweaty, simian dance.

o Too busy designing a score of $100 Microsoft Certified Amateur Astronomer tests.

o Too busy checking patent applications on Fraunhofer achromats.

o Too busy trying to order upgrades for Halleys 86.

Top Ten Reasons Why Astronomy Is Better Than Sex:

o Guaranteed to get at least a little something in view.

o If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

o Nobody cares if you are ugly. o You don't have to compliment the person who gave you a view?

o Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.

o 40 years from now, you can still participate regularly.

o If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you're kinky.

o Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning, oohing and aahhing.

o Less guilt the next morning. And the number one reason why astronomy is better than sex is ...

o All scopes look the same in the dark.

o You still have to wait until dark if you're going to pull it out in a public place.

o You'll never worry about a telescope missing it's period!

o No Condoms!

o Size DOES matter.

o An eyegasm doesn't leave a wet spot.

o The scope is not going to ask "what are you doing?".

o A telescope doesn't care if you take a few pictures and then show them off to your friends.

o You can sell it and it's legal! o You can have as many telescopes as you like and no-one will complain.

o Friends will lend you their telescopes ...

o Your telescope will not get upset if you borrow someone else's occasionally...

o If it ain't 12 inches, you can always get a bigger one.

o Your main telescope doesn't get jealous if you sneak a peak through another instrument.

o You really don't mind if some body else asks if they can have a turn, as a matter of fact, your quite proud to let them have a chance at it too! (Just so they can see what there missing)

o There's a good chance that if you tell someone you've got a 10 incher - your probably telling the truth.

o Because no one thinks you're weird if you wear red goggles while doing it. o Nobody laughs at short tubes.

Top Ten Reasons Why Michael Jackson isn't into Astronomy:

o Doesn't want to be labelled an "oddball".

o Past the bedtime of his young observing chums.

o Afraid fellow astronomers might notice a suspicious resemblance to the "face on Mars".

o Could accidentally spill the beans about his home planet on sci.astro.amateur.

o No money for telescopes, saving up for a new nose.

o Who cares if a washed up, creepy old pop icon discovers a comet?

o Not interested in a hobby that doesn't attract more children.

o Hard to stargaze when you're hanging upside down in an attic. o No room to store a scope; closets already full of skeletons.

And the number one reason why Michael Jackson isn't into astronomy is ...

o We're not really sure, but THANK GAWD he ain't!

o The intense glow from the bleached skin on his face would be projected down the eyepiece and light up the sky with a horrific sight and cause world wide panic.

o Keeps losing one glove at Star Parties.

o Discouraged with the lousy views he gets with a veil draped over the front of his scope.

o He's been arrested too many times while trying to scope out "Uranus".

Top Ten Reasons Osama Bin Laden Isn't Into Astronomy:

o Not much to see when you're disguised as a camel.

o Muzzle flash from AK-47 ruins your night vision.

o Plotting death to Western society causes fewer muscle cramps than guiding astrophotos.

o Stargazing does little to further the goals of Al Qaeda.

o Disillusioned after Dad bought him a Tasco 625x refractor for graduating from Terrorist Academy.

o B-52 bombers put a real crimp on fun at Afghan star parties.

o Mailed copies of Astronomy magazine never seem to catch up with him.

o Thinks Jack Horkheimer is a weenie.

o Eclipse chasing is out of the question. And the number one reason why Osama Bin Laden isn't into astronomy is ... o To get mentioned in yet another lame Top Ten List!

Top Ten Reasons Homer Simpson Isn't Into Astronomy:

o Smithers keeps inviting him to star parties... suspects it's "a little fruity".

o No chance of surpassing Bart's comet discovery. o Already been in space; too many ants, not enough beer. o Burned down the only observatory near Springfield.

o Can't see any stars from the living room couch.

o He's as dumb as a sack of s-----.

o Once you get past the tower of blue hair, Marge is more fun at bedtime.

o Astronomy club meetings less entertaining than an evening at Moe's.

o Too much light pollution from nearby Krusty Burger. Mmmmmm, Krusty burger...... And the number one reason why Homer Simpson isn't into astronomy is ...

o He's just a cartoon character, folks.

Top Ten Reasons Not to Get Your Space Shuttle Serviced at Sears:

o Minor body repairs done with "18,000 mph duct tape".

o Mechanics keep screwing with the radio settings.

o Tank insulation with "bargain brand" foam.

o Coffee in waiting area tastes suspiciously like hydrazine.

o Recommended #1 by the Iraqi Space Agency.

o Tiles replaced with chunks of styrofoam, spray-painted black.

o Small change missing from ash tray after every visit. o If you look like a "60-Minutes" reporter, they won't let you in.

o Can't get out the door with less than a $6,000,000 repair bill. And the number one reason not to get your Shuttle serviced at Sears is ...

o Their slogan is, "We fix it right, or you die".