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#Pupil: Please Sir! Did you hear that scientists have
found life on another planet?
Teacher: What are you talking about?
# Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing
gum?
He got stuck in Orbit!
# Why did the boy become an astronaut ?
Because he was no earthly good !
# What do astronauts wear to keep warm ?
Apollo-neck sweaters !
# Where do astronauts leave their spaceships ?
At parking meteors !
#What kind of star wear sun glasses?
A Movie Star !
# How do astronauts eat their ice cream in space?
In floats
# How are Mickey Mouse, Annie's dog Sandy, and a Comet
alike?
They are all stars with tails.
# Two astronauts went to a bar on the moon, but they left after a few minutes
?
You see, it had no atmosphere !
# On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with
five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch
outside Roswell, an incident they say has been covered
up by the military.
March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore
was born.
That clears up a lot of things.
INTELLIGENT LIFE
It was a happy occasion at NASA; they had just made
the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were
uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Oppenstein, the
head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as
he had received a congratulatory phone call from the
President of the United States. He picked up a special
red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said
Dr. Oppenstein, grinning broadly, "after 12 years
of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have
finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened
for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced
by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible ...
we could never do it. Yes Mr. President," and hung
up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring
at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he
said, "the President said that now that we've found
intelligent life on Mars, he wants us to try to find
it in Congress."
#
NASA just disclosed details why the rover wouldn't
accept any commands. They took a picture of the rover's
built-in display which showed a windows screen
and the text "press any key to continue".
# It is not conclusive yet, but the NASA believes the
Mars Pathfinder has found proof of life on Mars. The
cd player was stolen.
# According to jet propulsion laboratory program manager
Donna Shirley, the modem manufacturer warned jpl that
sending the modem to mars would void the warranty.
# The New York Times, among other papers, recently
published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies
colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of
colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with
the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble
Space Telescope, you can actually see lawyers rushing
to the scene...
# According to astronomers, next week Wednesday will
occur twice. They say
such a thing happens only once every 60,000 years, and,
although they don't
know why it occurs, they're glad they have an extra day
to figure it out.
# The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines
black holes as what you get in black socks.
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